Phyllis Diller Quotes

- Notable Phyllis Diller Quotes Index -

Born: July 17, 1917, Lima, Ohio, USA
Birth Country: USA
Died: Brentwood, Los Angeles, California, USA, August 20, 2012
Occupation: Author

1.
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
- Phyllis Diller

2.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
- Phyllis Diller

3.
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
- Phyllis Diller

4.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
- Phyllis Diller

5.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
- Phyllis Diller

6.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Phyllis Diller

7.
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
- Phyllis Diller

8.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
- Phyllis Diller

9.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
- Phyllis Diller

10.
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
- Phyllis Diller

11.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

12.
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
- Phyllis Diller

13.
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
- Phyllis Diller

14.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
- Phyllis Diller

15.
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
- Phyllis Diller

16.
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
- Phyllis Diller

17.
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
- Phyllis Diller

18.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
- Phyllis Diller

19.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
- Phyllis Diller

20.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
- Phyllis Diller

Quotes by Phyllis Diller

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